The F&cks I Don't Give (NSFW) | Online Photography Mentor

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I'm going to preface this post by saying that if an occasional (or 16) F bombs bother you, please don't read this post. But sometimes you need to keep it real, and if we were to meet in person, and I felt comfortable with you, I would totally drop at least one F bomb. I absolutely embrace the whole "classy well educated woman who says f*&k a lot." This space has become one where I feel comfortable - and want to be real. And today, that means some colorful language. But I know many of my sweet friends whom I love don't appreciate that kind of language - and while this post is about all the cares I don't give - I DO care about you. So, be warned. <3


 

My absolute favorite evolution of the word "fuck" lately has been the one along the lines of "I have no fucks to give." I don't know what it is about that phrase, but it seems to at once define the way I feel as a mid 30's woman no longer interested in caring what other people think, while at the same time acknowledging that I absolutely care, just not about everything.

It's gloriously, needingly selfish.

Because it isn't about " I have no fucks to give." It's not that my fucks are gone, that I'm hoarding the last few remaining ones, unsure of when to give them. It's not that if I had extra fucks lying around, I'd give them away like candy.

It's "I have no fucks to give." Because I have plenty of them, and I bet you do, too. They swarm around me like cranky toddlers, needy and demanding but always worth it. I care an awful-fucking-lot about a great number of things and people. It's just that I'm taking a lot more care in who I hand those fucks out to these days, and where I spend that energy.

Because really what that phrase is trying to say is that I won't care about your problems, especially if your problem is me.

Notice I said "won't". Not don't - which implies that I lack empathy. Because trust me, I am full of empathy. I am so fucking empathetic, it's what has had me chasing those fucks for so long. And I know you are, too.

But I picked "won't" - which is a choice.

I choose not to put what you think of me first.

I choose not to put your demands over my own, or my families.

I choose not to worry about what others think, since at the end of the day, it's only myself I face at night.

I choose not to let your rejection, of me or my art, define how I see myself and how I move forward.

That doesn't mean I don't have empathy. It doesn't mean I don't care about others. I'm allowed to put myself first sometimes, without being labeled selfish.

And so are you. 

So yeah, I don't have any fucks to give. I'm keeping all those glorious fucks for myself. Because at the end of the day, I need a full reserve of fucks so that I can care about those I need to the most. My children. My husband. My friends. My art.

What isn't on that list? Pretty much everyone else's opinion. Especially if that opinion has to do with how I live my life, how I create my art, and what I do with my time.

That doesn't mean I don't give out fucks left and right. I do. I care deeply about so many people, and I will give those I love as many of my fucks as I can.

But it's a choice, not something being demanded of me.

And I expect you to be just as gloriously selfish. If you feel like your fuck-giving reserve is drying up, start hoarding. Keep them for yourself. Build a pile brimming with fucks - a deep well of fucks - let them swarm you until you are gasping for air in their richness.

You have zero fucks to give, because you are keeping them all for yourself.

Kate Densmore3 Comments