On being laser-focused and saying "not for me"


2017-11-15_H I have a confession. I can be a very jealous person. I'm not proud of it, and it's something I'm working on. But it is what it is. And it often bleeds into my professional life when I see what every one else is accomplishing.

I scroll through my Facebook feed and I see that this person was given a spread in a magazine. That person sold out a workshop in minutes. Another person posts how many sessions they've done this year, and the number seems insane and unattainable. And on and on. I always try and react with love and support and I firmly, firmly believe that there is enough for us all.


I'm only human, and I get jealous, too. Sometimes I can't handle even looking at my Facebook feed, because it's just too much. It makes me feel inadequate, like I'm not doing enough, and it can make me completely undercut and de-value everything I have accomplished.

But a funny thing happened to me this week. I had a bit of mindshift recently, and some much needed time off, and it changed me in ways I didn't even realize, until this one little moment happened.

I saw someone post a success, and instead of having to fight back that little bit of jealousy that always creeps up, I found myself genuinely saying to myself "Good for her, but that's not for me."

I have no idea where these words came from. It's not something I've coached myself to say. It's like the time I had away allowed enough noise to fall away that the still small voice inside me could finally be heard. And she said "that's not for me."

Such a mindshift. I was able to react to my friend's good fortune with genuine excitement, like I always do... but without a shred of jealousy that's always made me feel guilty and like a shitty person. And further, without that feeling that I need to do MORE.

I'm done with more. It's not a game I care to play. I've tried it, and it leaves me feeling worthless and frazzled and the work I do in this state is never as good as it could be.

I can't do all the things. And the nastiness of the Facebook feed is that it tricks you into thinking that everyone else IS doing all the things. But in reality, each person is doing one thing that works for them. The sum of the parts feels overwhelming, but it's such an illusion. No one is doing everything.

So instead of more, I'm embracing focus. Because trust me, I am NOT giving up. In fact, the goals I have set for this next year are almost so outlandish that I can't say them outloud. I often have crazy goals, but the difference this time is that they are SO focused. And SO big. But I feel so empowered and ready to make them happen. And I really think that that focus is what allowed me to think "not for me" in a truly genuine way.

You likely won't see me in a magazine this year. You may not see me sell out a workshop in minutes. And I certaintly won't be bragging about how many sessions I did this year. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to be working hard to kill the goals I do have.

I'm going deeper, not wider. I'm making a small handful of things a priority, and I'm going to invest everything I have into those things. And I am going to serve my audience more faithfully, provide more value, solve more problems, and listen more carefully. I'm going back to the roots of what started me in this business at the very beginning.

So I suppose I am chasing a little bit of "more" after all - but it's the more that matters to me the most, and the more that actually excites me. It's a deeper, rather than wider, more.

If you are feeling this way, too - because I doubt I am the only one with these struggles - try to find some of that deeper focus for yourself. You can't do all the things - but you can do the things you choose to do with your whole heart. And that might just be the mindshift you need as well.

Kate Densmore2 Comments